Lunch Break

I know I'm not the only one his has the "I won the lottery" daydream right? Every now and then, sometimes more often than others I will be in my car and have this day dream. It is usually on a day that I just don't want to be at work so it's easier to drift into it. Yesterday was one of those days.

I had won the Mega Millions. This is the immediate give away that it is a dream because I have never played the Mega Millions, much less won even $1 from it. Of course the first person I would call is my wife. Because if I didn't call her first she would call me out on it in front of family, friends, reporters, everyone for the rest of my natural life. She immediately calls bullshit and tells me to stop bothering at work. She hangs up. Well honey, I tried. The next person I call is my friend Seth. Not your parents? Not your employer to tell them to hire some new lackey to schlep around? Not you daughter? No! It's my daydream and I called Seth. Back off! Reason being....Seth is an accountant. I need him to tell me what to do with this landall of cashola that has been bestowed upon me. After Seth gives me his sound financial advice and makes me promise to take him to one Buckeyes game a year, because I will of course be purchasing a luxury box at Ohio Stadium, I proceed to call my family and then Addie and Tomas.

I immediately put a big chunk of it into some kind of investment that I won't every touch. Unless of course I blow it all on crack and hookers then I will have to dip into it. I then go through the laundry list of things I am going to do with the money. Pay off debt is right at the tippy top. Credit cards, school loans, car notes, school loans, mortgage, school loans. It's amazing how once all of that is paid off how much I will still have left. Right now it seems like that mountain is insurmountable and will be hovernig over me the rest of my life. And yet in "I won the lottery world" it doesn't even exist.

Next is setting up my kids for school and beyond. Then breaking off a little to the fam for all the shit they have endured on my behalf over the years. A little something special for Gerry for letting my ex wife and I live in his living room for 6 months all those years ago (it might have been longer, I'm sure it felt like it for him). Then Tylersville Road Christian Chrurch gets a chunk to help pay off their mortgage and add onto their existing building. So that makes me good with the kids, good with the family, and good with God. Because everyone knows God always loves the church building with the gymnasium.

The following list is simply ridiculous and self indulgent. But I just won the lottery and I can be ridiculous and self indulgent. Look at Charlie Sheen. Winning! Trips to Australia and Hawaii and Europe and Alaska and anywhere else a cruise ship or plane can take me and Stacey, a summer house in Jamaica or some Caribbean paradise, my Volkswagon Beetle, part ownership of a microbrewery (free beer folks), dinner with Prince (I'm sure he has a price),......

This is going to be awesome. Where will we travel first? I wonder how I contact realtors in Jamaica. I bet it costs a lot to ship a vintage Beetle from California to Ohio. I could go get it myself. I could stay at Charlie Sheen's house. No, somebody less publice right now. Maybe Governor Arnold's place. What is that sound? It must be the cruise ship horn....

I hear a car horn and realize that I'm not accelerating through the stoplight at a rate of speed that is acceptable to the large gentleman with the skull cap in the 1985 Buick Regal with 22 inch chrome spinning wheels behind me. I have been slapped back to reality quite harshly. Thanks a lot Mr Tons o' Fun. One minute I am in Jamaica driving my Beetle with Prince and the next minute I'm being honked at by the Biggest Loser at an intersection in Hamilton, Ohio. Oh how the dream fades so fast. In that moment it literally pisses me off that Biggie and his beater honked me out of it. I'm so mad that it's not real. Then I have to tell myself, "You are a complete idiot. Snap out of it and go to work. It's the lottery dream. Everybody does it."

Right?